The Power of Blessing

Thoughts on Parashat Balak 5784

POLSKĄ WERSJĘ Over the last few days I have been reading the book “The Power Of a Positive No” by William Ury. Reading the first chapter, I already realized that the topic of the book overlaps with the topic of this week’s Torah portion. But before I explain what this book and its concepts have in common with our parashah, let me quickly reflect on the latter itself, to summarize its theological message.

There are two things I consider important in this story and would like to raise. The first is the Balak’s and Balaam’s main sin, which I believe was an instrumental use of faith/religion. This is expressed in the following verse:

Come then, put a curse upon these people for me, since they are too numerous for me; perhaps I can thus defeat them and drive them out of the land. For I know that whomever you bless is blessed indeed, and whomever you curse is cursed.”
(Numbers 22:6)

Balaam accepted the deal offered by Balak and his only allegiance was only to this highest bidder in his human surroundings. If Balaam pledged his allegiance to the highest power in the universe – God – he would pledged allegiance to the highest, absolute and objective good and in this way he wouldn’t be able to use his faith/religion instrumentally. We also know more, from the story, what this allegiance would look like, if pledged. Here is what, I believe, the message from God to Balaam stemming from the entire story and it seems to be quite simple:

1. Do the exact opposite of what you are doing. Balaam was considered a prophet and a holy man. If he had done the opposite, namely sincerely blessed Israel, not just uttering the words but from the bottom of his heart, he would have survived and become someone much greater than he was. He failed because he was paid to do the opposite. He sacrificed the long term relationship with the Divine and human beings for the sake of something expedient and short term.
2. Focus on things that are positive, that contribute to human growth, instead of things that are negative and ultimately – destructive, in this case – for everyone.

Now let me focus on some of the takeaways from William Ury’s book. The first of them is: in order to succeed in saying ‘no’ to someone and not alienate this person you need to uncover ‘yes’ in your ‘no’. You need to focus on positive goals or anything positive stemming from the idea of saying ‘no’ to someone, someone’s desire, plan or vision. For example, if you live with someone smoking cigarettes, instead of repeatedly saying “Don’t smoke here”, always tell this person about the great benefits of living a healthy life, without addiction. If you yourself struggle with some kind of addiction, imagine life without it and use your entire will power to strive for it, instead of being endlessly caught in wrestling with your desires. If you are not happy with your life partner because he or she doesn’t give you enough attention or doesn’t spend enough time, instead of endlessly complaining, try to put some work in arranging your time together, spending a dinner or planning vacation, It will be much better received and the likelihood that your person will hear you and notice your feelings will be much greater – if he or she really love you. Saying yes is always, as such, seen as something positive, incomparably more positive than saying no. It’s self evident and does not require proof. The same refers to action following words. If you hear no, you are more likely to see the other person as an irritating nag. If you hear yes, even though it is stemming from an objection, you are more likely to hear the person and their request. Concluding this reflection, let me quote Mahatma Gandhi:

I had learned through bitter experience the one supreme lesson to conserve my anger, and as heat is transmuted into energy, even so our anger controlled can be transmuted into a power which can move the world.

Moabites and Midianites could have found positive ways to thrive and therefore they would not have felt endangered by our ancestors, the Israelites. They could have lived alongside us, we had NO negative intentions against them! It was their fear and their negativity that led to their doom. It was the cynical expedience Balaam was driven by that led him to his doom. Those who focus on yes, those who believe in the power of blessing ultimately always win.

Shabbat shalom,

Rabbi Mirski