| I met Paulina in 2010 when my husband Rabbi Allen Maller and I went to help the Reform Jewish Congregation in Warsaw. She was a slender, blue eyed, young woman in her late twenties. Allen asked Paulina to write a paper about why she wanted to convert to Judaism. I have edited what Paulina wrote, the story is hers and told in her own words. |
I was around twelve or thirteen when I found my way towards Judaism. It began partly thanks to my father, and partly thanks to a boring book. My grandma had asked my father to give me some interesting books to read when I spent the summer with her. One of the books was “Man’s Fate” by a Russian author Michail Szolochow the other was “Medallions” by the Polish writer Zofia Nalkowska. Both of the books were about World War 11. The later was specifically about the Nazi German death camp called Auschwitz, located near the occupied Polish city of Oswiecim.
My way to Judaism and a Beit Din might have started even earlier then age twelve. I reminded myself about the time when I was just six years old. I had spent the summer with my grandma in Lublin. I was taken by the family to visit Majdanek the death camp. I have no idea why my grandma would take a six year old there. I can remember many hours spent in the camp. I was fearful of the bones in glass boxes, I deeply believe that this experience influenced me in a lasting and profound way.
I was so deeply touched by the killings of Jews that it became my obsession. All my essays at school were connected to this subject; every poem I had to interpret at school was about war and human suffering.
A few children in my class brought it to my attention that I was interested in “Jews”. I had no idea who these Jews were, but somehow I sensed that there was a strange emotional load in these negative remarks about my interest in that subject and I did not like it. I wanted to know who these Jewish people were, their history and culture, especially in Poland.
When I entered the University of Wroclaw to study political science, I met a group of wonderful people who shared my interests. We established the Polish-Israeli Association “Hatikvah-Hope”. This group gave me chance to really live with Judaism. I celebrated Jewish holidays and took part in Sabbath services.
During this time I also took part in a program for several days in Krakow. It was called “Building toward the Future-Jewish-Christian relations in the context of intercultural relations”. I met influential people like father John Pawlikowski and late Rabbi Michael Signer. But it made me realize that I was not yet a member of any group. I did not identify myself with Christians; and I did not have the right to identify myself with Jews. I had not been brought up with any religion.
I started a two year program at Wroclaw University which was newly created called The Research Centre for the Culture and Languages of Polish Jews. I also started my journey toward conversion at his time with “Judaism Step by Step”a class given at the Wroclaw Jewish CommunityCenter.
I decided to dedicate my master’s thesis to the issue of Israeli society and it’s many problems.Fortunately I was granted a scholarship to write it in Israel {Ignatz Bubis Scholarship in Jewish Studies at Tel Aviv University}. My last semester I spent in Tel Aviv writing about the Israeli state and religion relations in contemporary Israel.
After I completed my masters degree I was granted another scholarship where I took part in a joint program at Sussex University and Leo Baech Institute in London.
I finished my studies in London in 2006; then I moved back to Israel until October 2009, and I decided to move back to Warsaw. In Poland I got the chance to do something I could not complete in Israel. I wanted to join the Jewish People officially as a convert.
This is why I want to stand before a Beit Din to complete my formal conversion. I want to do it to feel complete with myself, to confirm something that has been obvious to me for a long time. I belong to the Jewish People.
I chose the Jewish name Lila. This name acknowledges that I belong to the nation that has One God, but it also has a personal connotation for me. When I was a little girl my younger sister called me Lila for a few years. I like to think that she knew something I did not know yet back then. 10/2010
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