Thoughts on Parashat Chayei Sarah
Menachem Mirski
Unfortunately, one of my senior-congregant from my synagogue, Temple Beth Shalom, Bill Milman, passed away a week ago. He was buried on Sunday and then I led the shiva minyan for a few days to support his wife and family. On one of the evenings his wife, Ann, reflected on the beginnings of the Tot Shabbat program at my temple. She poignantly noted that our focus should not be only on preserving tradition or catering to the preferences of longtime members, but rather on genuinely understanding and responding to the needs of today’s parents and their children. Her words resonated deeply with me, echoing findings from my extensive research on successful synagogue models: adapting to the evolving needs of young families is essential. Why? Because they represent the future of all communities I am involved in and Judaism itself.
This has led me to deeply reflect on the parallels between thriving synagogues and healthy relationships. Just as rigid adherence to tradition can doom a synagogue, an unwillingness to grow and evolve can likewise undermine even the most compatible of partnerships. As I consider the future of communities, I am reminded of the powerful lessons we can glean from stories of commitment, adaptation, and the delicate balance between tradition and progress.
Our weekly Torah portion, Chayei Sara, offers a poignant analogy. The story of Isaac and Rebeccah begins with love at first sight, but the circumstances surrounding their union remind us that perfection is often found in imperfect situations. Abraham, seeking a wife for his son, sent his servant back to his ancestral home, to find a partner for Isaac – a place steeped in idolatry but still better than the Canaanite tribes he dwelled among at that time. Despite these imperfect circumstances, Isaac and Rebekah embarked on a lifelong commitment to one another.
Last Wednesday, during lunch with Rabbi Mark Bloom from Temple Beth Abraham in Oakland, I was struck by his insights and experiences. When Rivkah and I visited a few months ago, we were deeply impressed by Rabbi Bloom and his congregation. A past president’s birthday speech during our visit revealed a testament to enduring commitment. He recounted a period of severe financial hardship when he personally covered the Temple’s utilities. Yet, under Rabbi Bloom’s 21 years of leadership, the membership has more than doubled, reaching 500 families. This remarkable growth exemplifies what sustained dedication can achieve.
Rabbi Bloom shared stories of the ups and downs with members, his congregation and the Board of Directors, highlighting their mutual commitment and perseverance through challenges. This mirrors the dynamics of any enduring relationship—compatibility is essential, but it is long-term commitment that serves as the key ingredient. Isaac and Rebekah’s lifelong union illustrates the power of enduring dedication. Just as a meticulously tended garden requires years of nurturing and perseverance, overcoming weeds and other obstacles, so too does a thriving synagogue or any meaningful relationship. The gardener who abandons their plot at the first sight of weeds will never witness the bloom of a bountiful harvest of blueberries and tomatoes. Similarly, giving up on a relationship or community at the first sign of trouble yields only barrenness.
A thriving synagogue, like a flourishing garden, demands sustained commitment, navigating challenges and celebrating successes together. Frequent changes in leadership, like frequent changes in partners, may seem exciting in the short term, but ultimately hinder long-term growth and fulfillment. The future of our synagogues does not depend on finding the “perfect” rabbi, president or staff, but rather on fostering a relationship of unwavering dedication with whomever leads us.
Let us remember the lessons of Isaac and Rebekah, of Rabbi Bloom, and of the diligent gardener: it’s the unwavering commitment, the shared journey through both sunshine and storm, that truly cultivates a thriving and enduring community. With this mindset, we can ensure that our communities continue to bloom and bear abundant fruit for generations to come.
Shabbat shalom,
Rabbi Mirski
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